My Journeys

Tonight I realized that music opens a doorway within me. It changes my state of consciousness and allows me to experience myself beyond my usual thoughts. It reminds me that I am not only a mind, but also a body, a heart, and a spirit.

I recognized that much of my life has been spent trying to follow the rules because I have been afraid of making mistakes. That fear has often kept me from fully expressing who I am.

I reflected on my experiences with cannabis and psychedelics. What I realized is that it is not the substances themselves that I am longing for — it is the state of wholeness they seem to reveal. In those moments, I experience my spirit and my physical body as being deeply connected. I feel alive, joyful, authentic, and fully accepting of myself.

In that state, I am not chasing anything. I simply am.

As I spoke about this, I became aware of a dull ache in my stomach. Instead of trying to fix it, I simply noticed it. The pain moved through my body, softened, and eventually disappeared. This led to another important realization:

I also questioned whether I use my own healing practices enough for myself. As someone who guides others, I found myself wondering whether I sometimes expect Spirit, my guides, or the Universe to simply know what I need without me consciously receiving or participating in the process.

I realized that what I truly desire is to unite my spiritual life with my physical life so completely that I no longer need an external catalyst to feel connected. I don't want to depend on being high to experience alignment. I want that state to become my natural way of being.

Nature reminded me of what this feels like.

I remembered a time when I lived so closely with nature that the world itself became music. The wind, the trees, the birds, the animals — even the pipes carried melodies. I could sense when animals were approaching before I saw them. I remember the excitement of watching zebras pass by and the deep affection I felt for a hyena. Nature was not something I visited — it was something I belonged to.

Even the smallest creatures deserved gentle hands. 🐍

Sitting outside tonight, listening to the crickets, I felt that same invitation. The pain had gone. I simply listened.

Finally, an unexpected image arose from my unconscious — the question, "Who is the fairest of them all?" I don't yet know why this appeared, but I sense it is symbolic. Perhaps it is inviting me to explore my relationship with beauty, worthiness, identity, comparison, or the authentic Self that has always existed beneath fear.

The journey now is not to seek wholeness, but to embody it — bringing spirit, body, heart, and everyday life into one harmonious experience.